


Mike Townsend (Has Disappointing Taste in Men)

by miketownsends



Series: if i had a nickel for every revenant pitcher i had i'd have two nickels [1]
Category: Blaseball (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Jaylen has a potty mouth and honestly she's earned it, M/M, Mike Townsend (Is a Disappointment) but it's abt his taste in men instead, i don't really know how the fuck to deal with the Shadows so i'm working around them kinda, look at your life Mike look at your choices, look i just really wanted to write Jaylen giving Mike a hard time so here we are, look i simply think the terrible pitchers should kiss, mild alcohol mention (they're having a beer), quick mention of Tillman/Declan, rated M for non-blaseball discord safe language, you can pry Jaylen and Mike being good buds from my cold dead hands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:53:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27431545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miketownsends/pseuds/miketownsends
Summary: “Please. Please tell me you are not dating Tillman Henderson. I need to hear those words come out of your mouth right now.”Jaylen and Mike share a drink during a Garages/Lovers game.
Relationships: Jaylen Hotdogfingers & Mike Townsend, Mike Townsend/Tillman Henderson
Series: if i had a nickel for every revenant pitcher i had i'd have two nickels [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2004124
Comments: 7
Kudos: 57





	Mike Townsend (Has Disappointing Taste in Men)

**Author's Note:**

> I have no excuse for this except I'm obsessed with Tillsend and I can't stop thinking abt these garbage pitchers. Also the dynamic/connections between Jaylen, Tillman, and Mike are completely fascinating to me and I can't stop thinking abt those either. Thanks, weird splorts simulator!

Mike hears the faint rumble of a cheer coming through the walls and glances up at one of the big screens they keep mounted on the wall at Dad’s Grill just in time to see a ball go sailing into the bleachers as Malik takes his second victory lap of the game; the score in the corner ticks up to 2-1, Garages. He grins as Bradley lets out a whoop and a “that’s my boy!” from the grill behind him. Top of the sixth with Black Hole weather and Pitching Machine is doing a decent job holding the Lovers off, so if it can just keep things parked and they can keep a tight hold on their runs….

“Still weird, seeing the Garages actually winning,” says a familiar voice from behind him.

He turns to face Jaylen, who’s standing at the entrance to the Grill, one corner of her mouth turned up just a bit as she looks past him at the screen. “Heard a rumor you were back here somewhere,” she says, by way of explanation. “Thought I’d come say hi, since the universe doesn’t really seem to want us to play blaseball at the same time anymore.” She takes a look around, eyes adjusting to the dim lighting; her gaze settles briefly on a second screen a little further away. Mike watches as she squints, trying to make out details, then- “Why do you guys have the Shoe Thieves game on in here too?”

“Hey, can I get you anything?” Mike says more quickly than he means to as he scans the interior of the Grill; they’re not too busy, and Bradley’s already waving him off with one hand while he flips a burger with the other. “Want a beer?” he asks, turning back to Jaylen.

A couple minutes later he’s making his way between tables, carefully holding two full pints of beer – a double IPA for Jaylen, a Pilsner for him – and a small basket of fries that Bradley had insisted he take as well; it’s a near-impossible feat, trying to keep the contents of their pints from sloshing over the rims and into the basket, but he manages to keep them from getting _too_ damp. He finds Jaylen at a table in a particularly poorly lit corner (which he appreciates; too much light sometimes makes it tough to like… remain) and slides her glass across to her, realizing belatedly that he hadn’t actually asked her what she wanted. She always _used_ to prefer stronger, hoppier beers, but he hadn’t been out for drinks with her since before… well.

“Sorry,” he begins, but she’s already lifting the glass to her lips, “I should’ve asked first, we’ve got a decent variety on tap, but I just kind of assumed….”

Jaylen sets her drink back on the table; the glass clinks softly as she considers it, then nods, giving Mike a look that’s equal parts appreciative and surprised. “You remembered.”

“Yeah, well.” He looks down at the fries, picks at them a bit. “I always got stuck buying the rounds for everyone, so I just kind of memorized everyone’s orders. Comes in handy sometimes.”

“Of course you did.”

“Not going to watch the game?” Mike asks, changing the subject. “From like the dugout or something, I mean. We used to have to practically drag you away when you weren’t playing.”

“Garages don’t need me… looming over them anymore.” There’s a little hesitation in her voice when she says it, and Mike guesses she isn’t just talking literally. “They’re building something new, without me. That’s probably for the best right now.” Left unsaid is the fact that, directly or indirectly, Jaylen (and in a roundabout way, Mike) is the reason for most of that change; there’s no reason to voice what they both know. “Anyway, I’m pitching against them a couple games from now, so I’ll see them soon enough. And I did promise Teddy we’d grab a drink while I’m in town – that shitty bar by the Market we all used to go to, you know the place. I think he still feels responsible for me, somehow.”

“Of course he does. Would you expect anything less from Teddy?” Mike asks.

“No, I guess not.”

“Lovers treating you all right, then?”

“They’re a good bunch,” Jaylen says with a nod. “I see Allison a lot too, since she visits Kichiro whenever she gets the chance. And NaN’s a good kid. It’s kind of nice having them to talk to after the whole Microphone deal. They were more connected with Wyatt than anyone. I haven’t heard from the Microphone since… everything ended. Neither has NaN, or Sixpack for that matter, actually.”

“They’re probably just resting,” Mike says, in what he hopes is a reassuring tone; he’s not sure he believes his own words. “Saving all of Internet League Blaseball from a malevolent Peanut can’t have been easy.”

Jaylen hums a bit in agreement as she grabs a fry from the basket. “I hope so.”

The mention of the Microphone reminds Mike, suddenly, of something he’d been wondering about for a while; he hadn’t exactly been planning on calling Jaylen up and asking her or anything, but, well, they’re sitting here now, and who knows when he’s going to have a chance to ask again, and…. “Hey, Jaylen-” he begins, in a tone so casual that he can tell it immediately loops back around to being suspicious, and he curses a little in his head but it’s too late now, his mouth’s already moving- “did the Microphone – Wyatt – ever, uh, mention anything about the whole swap with Tillman?”

 _Immediately_ Jaylen fixes him with a look that makes him regret not only opening his mouth but also every single minute of the day that led him to this exact moment in time. She glances over at the screen airing the Shoe Thieves versus Fridays game just as the camera cuts to Tillman on the pitcher’s mound in the Fridays’ stadium, winding up to throw the ball, and he can see the moment when _something_ clicks for her; Mike sighs and rubs his forehead as Jaylen turns back to him so quickly he’s surprised the movement doesn’t give her whiplash.

“Michael Townsend.”

“Uh. Yeah?”

“Please. Please tell me you are not dating Tillman Henderson. I need to hear those words come out of your mouth right now.”

Well. He wasn’t expecting her to go _there_ quite that fast. Mike opens and closes his mouth a few times as his brain scrambles to come up with a response. “That’s, uh, a pretty big assumption to make, I don’t know why you-”

“That’s not a no, Townsend!”

Despite himself and the situation he can tell is already rapidly spiraling out of control, Mike has to bite back a smile; this is the closest to her old self he can remember seeing her since she came back, and it’s almost worth it. “Uh,” he starts. There’s a brief moment where he almost considers lying, but he’s an abysmal liar and he just doesn’t see the point in making the effort and dragging this out any longer than he has to. “Well. To be fair, I don’t think anyone ever actually _dates_ Tillman, exactly – y’know, like him and Declan, I don’t know if you know about that actually, but. You just kind of….” He trails off as Jaylen’s eyes widen with every word, waving a hand vaguely in the air to complete his sentence.

The cheap metal of the dining chair creaks as Jaylen slumps backwards, rubbing her eyes with the palms of both hands. “ _Mike._ ”

“…Yeah?”

“First of all.” Jaylen sighs, not moving from her spot. “You just lost me twenty dollars, and I would insist you pay me back but you did just give me free beer and fries and also I think that… being _involved_ with _?_ … Tillman is probably punishment enough, but-”

“Wait,” Mike interrupts. “How did I lose you twenty bucks?”

“The Lovers insisted there was something up with you and Tillman, and like an absolute idiot I defended your honor via bet because I thought it was an easy way to make some cash. Remind me never to do _that_ again, since I am now unconvinced that you _have_ honor.”

“How did the Lovers know?” A terrible thought hits Mike all of a sudden. “Oh my god, does Allison know? Please tell me Allison does not know.”

“If she doesn’t, she will soon, because we’re playing the Steaks in a few days and there is not a snowball’s chance in Hades that Kichiro is not going to tell her and I _cannot_ save you from how much shit she is going to give you when she finds out, nor do I want to because honestly you kind of deserve it. As for how the Lovers know….” Jaylen shrugs. “Hell if I know. They always know about this shit way before anyone else. Honestly, at this point, I think they can sense it or something. Maybe it’s another perk of that blood of theirs. But we are not talking about the Lovers right now, we are talking about the fact that _you are dating Tillman Henderson_.”

“Shh!” Mike hisses, waving a hand at her; her voice had gone up so much toward the end of her sentence that she was practically shouting. “Keep it down.” A couple patrons have already swiveled to look at them curiously. Mike kind of misses being completely incorporeal. He should start carrying a flashlight for when he needs to completely disappear.

Jaylen reaches for her beer and downs the rest of it – a full half of a glass – in one chug, then pushes the empty pint glass across the table to Mike. “Get me another one of those.”

Mike obliges, glad for the momentary distraction. When he returns he hands over the beer wordlessly and she holds it in both hands, staring down into the pale liquid.

“Look,” she begins finally, not making eye contact with Mike, “I don’t actually care who you date… or _whatever_ it is you’re doing… as long as you’re happy or whatever. Although I do have some fucking questions because this is the wildest thing I’ve ever heard and I literally came back from the dead twice and fought a Peanut god with a whole bunch of other dead folks, so I have a fair amount of experience with weird shit. But.” She places the beer on the table and looks up.

“To answer your question, no, the Microphone never mentioned Tillman. Not directly, anyway. I don’t really think any of that went off the way they expected – I’m pretty sure they didn’t expect me to wind up back in the Hall and I’m almost _positive_ they didn’t mean to swap me with _Tillman_ of all people. And… listen, Mike, I don’t want to rain on any parade you have because I literally owe you my second life and you deserve whatever happiness you can find – even if that happiness is fucking _weird_ and I’m literally never going to stop giving you shit so get ready for that – but….” Jaylen takes a deep breath. “I don’t know how it is for him, but there was always the chance that I wasn’t exactly going to stick around forever after I came back that first time-”

“‘Jaylen Hotdogfingers has been permitted to stay,’” Mike says quietly, remembering the ever-present marquee running her status like clockwork after every election. He hadn’t been around much for that part, really, but he’d heard.

“-right, exactly, and I don’t really care what happens to Tillman – no offense – but _we’re_ friends and I just want you to-”

“Jaylen.” Mike cuts in, feeling a little touched by her obvious concern even as he feels a small, painful twinge in his chest. “We both know better than anyone that nothing’s permanent. It’s okay.”

“Grab your happiness where you can, huh?”

“Something like that.”

“Guess I can’t exactly argue with you there.” There’s a beat, then, “Although, no, I think I’m still going to argue with you a little there – _seriously_ , Mike, Tillman? Didn’t he rig the horn in your Camry to just say “Nerd” every time you hit it once?”

“That was a long time ago.” And he’d never figured out how to fix it, either; he’d been stuck with that horn until Allison smashed up his Camry (for charity, allegedly, though Mike was pretty sure the charity thing was decided afterwards).

“Oh, so you’re saying he’s changed.”

Mike shakes his head emphatically. “Oh god no. Not even a little. Coming back might’ve actually made him worse.”

Jaylen looks for a moment like she wants to say something in response for that, but seems to think better of it and takes a draw from her beer instead.

“But also,” Mike continues, “he’s… I don’t know, he’s not that bad?”

Jaylen shakes her head slowly in disbelief. “You _would_ be literally the only person in the entire league who would think _Tillman Henderson_ is not that bad. He owes _every single person in the league_ fifty dollars. Even me somehow. And I think I met the guy twice before I died the first time.”

“Yeah, you’re never going to see that fifty dollars,” Mike tells her, and she snorts (“ _Yeah, no shit._ ”). “But, look, I kinda… I know what it’s like to have everyone think you suck and give you a hard time, y’know? And it’s not fun, and he just… I think he wants to be liked a lot more than he lets on. But he’d never, like, say that. Or anything else even remotely sincere, obviously. But he’s really, like….” He trails off, looks down at the table, suddenly interested in a half-dried ketchup smear.

“He just takes a little getting used to. You have to know how to deal with him. I think most people are like that, really, but most people are also… easier to deal with. I just, I don’t know. I had a feeling it was worth sticking around to see if my hunch about him was right, and it was. At least it was to me.”

“Wow. You’re kind of a sap, Mike.”

“I could be sappier but honestly I’m afraid that if I say anything nicer than what I’ve already said he’ll somehow hear it and I will never live it down.”

“You know we’re in Seattle and he’s literally pitching a game in Hawai’i _right_ now. Like, we saw him on the screen a few minutes ago.”

“Doesn’t matter. He’s got a sixth sense for these things.”

“So.” Jaylen raises her eyebrows in Mike’s direction. “Do the Garages know?”

“Uh. I don’t really… I’m not sure? I haven’t said anything and obviously none of them talk to Tillman really but. I guess it’s possible and they’re just giving me some space. Or waiting for the perfect time to drag me. I feel like either option is equally likely.”

“Teddy’s probably writing the song now,” Jaylen jokes. Mike winces.

“God, please don’t even say that.”

“‘Mike Townsend (Is a Disappointment)’ cover except it’s all about your terrible taste in men.”

“Jaylen!” Mike protests, laughing despite himself. God, he’d missed her. It had _sucked_ not being able to see her when she was back, although just knowing she was home where she belonged had eased the sting. He can’t even be mad about the teasing because it means she’s feeling _herself_ enough to tease.

“I’m making notes right now, Townsend, and I’m sending them to Teddy as soon as the news hits the tabloids or what the fuck ever happens so he knows exactly how sappy you are about fucking _Tillman Henderson_ -”

He flings one of the sad, now-cold fries left in the basket at her and she dodges it, fully laughing now, tears forming in the corners of her eyes, and when was the last time he’d heard that from her?

- _a_ _flash to a different time, a dive bar near the Market, Jaylen and Mike and Allison and Bennett sitting around a round of beers that Mike had been playfully bullied into buying (he would’ve bought them anyway, and they all knew it, but the teasing is fun), talking about the upcoming game against the Spies; Allison makes a now-forgotten joke and Jaylen throws her head back and lets out a laugh that rings throughout the bar and god, she really was the heart of the team_ -

“Hey, Townsend, you there?”

Jaylen’s voice snaps him out of the past and he gives her an apologetic smile. “Sorry. Just thinking it’s good to hear you laugh again.”

“Yeah, well, no more Nut hanging over our head, no more incinerations or… or _beaning_ people… little bit of a weight off until the next horrible disaster that’s definitely coming. _And_ you gave me something to laugh about. _Tillman_. God, Mike. Is there something just drawing you to undead pitchers, or?”

“I mean, there’s only two of you, and _we_ were friends _before_ all the, y’know, necromancy or whatever. Tillman was… well, maybe not a coincidence exactly, but… that’s a long story. Actually, uh-” he knows she is going to kill him for even suggesting this but it's worth a shot- “maybe do you think you could, I don’t know, chat with him sometime? Give him a call or something? Just, y’know, you two are the only two who have really come all the way back so far, and I think he’s still kind of freaked out in his own way, and-”

“There is a zero percent chance I’m going to talk to Tillman willingly, Mike.”

He sighs, drumming his fingers on the table. “You know,” he says slowly, “I would _never_ guilt trip you or anything, but… I _did_ kind of sacrifice myself for-”

“ _Ugh_ , fuck, _fine_ , I’ll talk to your completely terrible boyfriend-”

“Not my boyfriend.”

“-for you. You know, I would probably bean anyone else who suggested I go talk to Tillman just for kicks. And that wouldn’t even be for a debt or anything since I don’t have to deal with that now, that would just be for my own pleasure. You’re goddamn lucky we’re friends.”

“Yeah,” Mike says sincerely. “I am.”

“ _Gross_. Don’t get sappy on me, Townsend. Save that shit for Tillman.”

Mike snorts and Jaylen laughs again, that same genuine ringing laugh from before. She downs what’s left of her second beer and, with a glance at the screen showing the Garages game, gets to her feet. “I better go. Game’s almost over and I should at least be there to shake hands at the end and stuff. But – hey, don’t be a stranger, okay? San Francisco’s not as overcast as here but I’m sure we can find somewhere shadowy enough to hang out if you come visit, even if I have to… I dunno, turn off all the lights in my apartment or something. Or, hell, we’ve got plenty of terrible bars with even worse lighting. Remember that one we used to go to all the time, near the-”

“-near the Market?” Mike finishes. “Yeah, I was just thinking about that one, actually. I’ll come see you soon. Somehow. Promise.” He tries to figure out in his head exactly how the travel is going to work, because it’s going to be annoying if he takes a plane or something and his seatmate turns on the overhead lights and he falls out the bottom of the plane, but there’s gotta be ways around that.

“Good.” Jaylen nods, seeming satisfied.”

“And don’t forget, you promised to-”

“Yeah, yeah, I _know_ , I’ll do it. I would literally rather get a root canal, but I’ll do it.” She raises her empty glass to him in a sort of toast. “See you around, Townsend.”

He waves and watches her head out of the Grill, shouting a goodbye to Bradley as she does so ( _“See ya later kiddo!” he yells back)_.

Once she’s gone, Mike pulls his phone out of his pocket. Pulls up Tillman’s number. Waffles for a minute, then-

_hey, there’s this really terrible bar in the city near the Market that i know about, honestly it’s enough of a dive to be up your alley and it’s dark enough for me to hang out in, we should go next time you’re in town_

He reads it over about ten times, then adds:

_so i can kick your ass at darts_

Send.


End file.
